Of Annoying Girls, Pink Menus and Pretending
by Marauders-And-Lily-I-Love
Summary: After Lily and James insist that Remus and Sirius are in love with each other, how far will the two canines go to prove the couple wrong? Lily, being the sly girl that James loves, decides to set them up on dates. With females. Read and review! RLSB


**Hope you enjoy this :)  
Please review :)**

It was at times like this in which he really wished that Lily Evans didn't exist and that James Potter was not in love with her. She was annoying, nosy, irritating and about to get her head chopped off by one very angry Sirius Black. Not only had she stolen his best friend off of him (no, even _that _wasn't enough for that evil banshee), she had decided it would be fun to mess with James' head and make him believe in things and situations that didn't exist. Stupid, manipulative, little-

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Sirius was **not **in love. No matter what James and Lily said; they didn't know anything about this whole thing! What evidence did they have to suddenly just assume that he was in **_love,_**of all the appalling things in the world? Sirius glowered as he stomped to the common room, looking remarkably like a five-year- old who had just had his sweets taken away. As he stalked towards the sofas by the fire, he watched, guffawing internally as the small first and second years sitting there saw him coming and scurried off meekly. They _really_ needed to grow a backbone. Sighing, he threw himself down on the tattered sofa, pushing the hair back from his eyes. _Love? How the fuck am I supposed to be in love if I don't even know what the bloody hell it is?!_

He groaned in exasperation; what was he supposed to do? Not only did James and Lily _accuse _him of being in love, they accused him of being in love with _Remus_! Sirius simply couldn't understand; Remus and he were not in love, they were just _shagging _for God's sake! Where the hell had love come from? They weren't going out, they didn't buy each other flowers or chocolate, they didn't hold hands. In other words, they didn't act like James and Lily, who were obviously quite deep in the stuff. So what had made that stupid stag Animagus think that they were in love?

Just as he began to contemplate this extremely grave situation, the _supposed _object of Sirius' affections came in, frowning. Sirius waved at Remus, beckoning him over. The werewolf dropped his books on the seat next to Sirius and then took a seat on the armchair opposite him. "What's this I've been hearing?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow.

_Oh God, please tell me James hasn't told him! _

"James told me you're in... _love_?"

_I am going to kill him._

"I'm not! I've told him a million times. He just is not listening to me. Ever since Lily started going out with him, the git only seems to listen to _her_." Sirius replied bitterly, pushing his hair back from his eyes.

"Who is it?"

Glaring, Sirius snapped, "I'm not in love! Get over it!"

"Alright, alright!" Remus held up his hands in surrender. They sat in a rather uncomfortable silence for a few moments until the tawny-haired boy asked, "But if you were in love, you would tell me, right?"

"Moony, I don't think I'll_ ever_ fall in love- I'm telling you, I don't even know what it is! When someone explains what love is, or gives me a dictionary, then I'll see."

Remus cocked his head to the side. "You don't know what it is?" he asked softly. Sirius shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "Do you want me to tell you?"

The dog Animagus looked at him strangely, "You know what it is? I thought us teenagers were too young to love... apart from James, of course, but he's just crazy."

Remus chuckled slightly and then he looked up suddenly, eyes connecting with Sirius'. "Well, love is-"

"James thinks I'm in love with you." Sirius interrupted bluntly. He watched apprehensively as his companion froze, eyes widening in shock.

"What?! But- but that's... _ridiculous_!" he sputtered.

"Exactly! I don't love you, and you don't love me! Simple. But noooo, James always has to mess things up and listen to that stupid annoying girlfriend of his. And now he's got it in his head and isn't going to stop pestering us about it!"

Remus stood up, saying, "come on, let's go talk to him. Maybe he can give us a reason as to why he thinks this." Sirius nodded, happy that someone else was taking control of the situation. They found him up in library, huddled up with one Lily Evans. Sirius scowled when he spotted her; he was so tempted to strangle her for putting such horrific and troubling ideas in her poor boyfriend's head.

"Hey guys," Remus began, "can I ask you something?"

"Sure!" Lily grinned, looking as if she knew exactly what they were going to enquire about.

"What makes you think that... um, _Sirius_ is in **love **with me?"

"Well, this whole thing between you two," James answered, "the sex thing, yeah well, you said you would be seeing other people so-"

"Why haven't you?" Lily finished for him, raising an eyebrow.

Remus went bright red. "You _know _why I don't date people."

"That's not an excuse, Moony. Really, tell me why?" James grinned lopsidedly at him, ruffling his hair, only serving to annoy both canines even more.

"Er... I've been busy. Y'know, studying and all- don't look at me like that!" Remus replied, glaring at James.

The stag Animagus sniggered before continuing, "And you, Sirius? Please do enlighten me."

"Same as Remus; I've been really busy..." Sirius grinded his teeth together, death threats already coming alive in his brain.

"What? Studying?" Lily asked innocently, causing James to snort with laughter.

"Actually, no, busy with _other _things." Padfoot glowered at his best friend _– oh if only looks could kill, he'd be so, so, so-_

"Alright, before all this gets out of hand," Lily spoke up, "I have an idea."

Sirius watched in disgust as James almost seemed to jump and down in his seat in excitement. Gosh, if _that _was what love was like, no wonder he wasn't in it! "Well, do let us know, Evans. In your own time, then." Sirius raised an eyebrow; Merlin that girl was so irritating.

"You are both going to go out, this Hogsmeade weekend, with the two prettiest girls in our year-"

"WHAT?! Nobody's going out with YOU apart from ME!" James yelled suddenly, red staining his cheeks and eyes flashing with anger.

"I meant, Clarissa and Nancy..." Lily replied, patting James' cheek, giggling slightly at his mumblings of, "prettiest girl is mine- Lily- mine. Prettiest in Hogwarts, forget the year..."

"Hello? Can we at least tell you what we think of this?" Remus cut in, feeling slightly sickened at the lovesick couple.

"Nope." Lily retorted, narrowing her bright emerald eyes at them. Well, that didn't stop Sirius.

"I am not going out with Clarissa or Nancy-"

"Why? 'Cause you're gay and in love with Remus?" James shot at him.

"No, because I've already been out with them." Sirius glared at the bespectacled boy.

James seemed to deflate; was Lily's plan already ruined? As he turned to look at his beloved girlfriend, however, he was surprised to notice a smile growing on her face.

"That's great! That way you don't have to spend ages getting to know her. Oh, and I know that they would do anything to go out with you again!"

Sirius groaned. "I'm not doing it. I don't care what you say; I'm not going out with them. They're the most annoying people I've met in my life."

"You better do it Black, otherwise_ I'll_ be the most annoying person in your life." Her voice was cold and deadly, convincing Sirius that for the sake of his life he should do it.

"You already _are_." Sirius couldn't help himself from muttering.

"Remus? Will you do it?"

"No, Lily, please- come on, don't-" Remus pleaded, turning imploring eyes on Lily.

"_Remus_."

"Fine." The werewolf narrowed his eyes at James, promising the young stag a gruesome and excruciatingly long death.

"Crap, Lily he's gonna kill me." He mumbled, running a hand through his hair nervously. Glowering at the pair, Remus whipped around and walked out, thinking of the horrible, horrible things he was going to do to James. Sirius simply grinned. His lovely werewolf had it sorted; when Remus wanted revenge, _nothing _was going to stop him getting it.

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Hogsmeade weekend

The sun was high in the sky and everything it touched seemed to acquire a golden glow. After the heavy downpour of the previous night's rain, everything seemed refreshed and the air seemed cleaner. Puddles were gradually drying up and there was a cool breeze swirling in the air.

But for the two canines, this day was the complete opposite. Everything seemed to be almost _dreary_, such was the dread they felt about their dates.

Merlin, Remus had never felt so aggravated in his entire life. Deciding to stay on the safe side, the two canines had opted for a double date, so they would have at least each other's company. However, right now, it seemed as though it wasn't going to last much longer, since Clarissa wanted to drag Remus to Madam Puddifoot's and Nancy was trying to coax Sirius into going to the clothes shop with her.

They both knew that they would have to follow through with the girls; no matter how painful this was going to be. Especially if they were to prove to Lily that they were utterly and completely straight.

Sirius sighed and followed dejectedly after the scarily eager girl- Merlin, why was she getting so bloody hyped up about _clothes_? The dog Animagus couldn't help but think that he would much rather spend this time with the werewolf. His mind froze- _this is exactly what I'm **not **supposed to thinking about! _He thought somewhat hysterically. _Fuck, fuck, fuck... no, it didn't mean anything. **Anyone **would rather spend time with Remus rather than with Nancy._

"Oh. My God. Sirius, look at that! Isn't it stunning?" The young Black rolled his eyes when he noticed his date drooling over a dress. A _flowery _one at that.

"Mhmm." Sirius hummed, stuffing his hands in his pocket. The dark-haired girl turned around to stare at him, irritated.

"Why do I get the feeling that you aren't enjoying this?"

_Oh, so she **isn't **dumb._

"Of course I'm enjoying this!" Sirius replied, rearranging his features into a grin. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Nancy stared for a few seconds more and then she smiled back, reassured.

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Almost wincing when Clarissa fluttered her lashes at him, Remus began, "So..."

"So..." Clarissa replied, almost dreamily.

"Um..." The werewolf cleared his throat, lowering his eyes to his hands. _Awkward is too mellow a word to describe this situation._

"I'll just go and get us some drinks." Remus had begun to leap up from his chair, congratulating himself on finding such a good excuse, when he felt his date's hand on his arm.

"You don't need to go and get them; there's a menu, we could just order them." She smiled up at him, pushing him back to his chair. Remus simply nodded, gingerly lifting up the bright pink menu. Staring, unfocussed at the page, he wondered vaguely what Sirius was doing and whether his date was just as unsuccessful as his. Of course, it wasn't as if he _hoped _it was as much of a failure... No, why would he hope something like _that_?... He shook his head, suddenly, trying to dispel his head of all these disturbing thoughts.

Lifting up his head, his amber eyes settling on the on the other couples in the tiny cafe. There were kisses shared, soft caresses and lots of gazing- into- each- other's- eyes- with- love. Remus and Sirius did not kiss; they _snogged_, there was no tenderness, just lots of teeth and tongue and _lust_. Remus and Sirius did not cuddle or caress and nothing about what they did was **soft**; everything was rough and fiery and raw... and _meaningless_. Remus and Sirius did not gaze into each other's eyes with love; they _stared_ into each other's eyes with intensity, passion and _fire_. But that was _it._

Nothing else. It was just sex.

Remus sighed, not even realising the look of rage on his date's face. "Remus!"

The werewolf jumped, snapping back into reality with a jerk. His eyes widened in horror when he noticed everyone in the cafe staring at them with raised eyebrows and smirks. _Ah, crap._

"Yes...?" Remus asked, his cheeks tinged a light pink. Gods, he really didn't want to be here right now.

"You've completely ignored me!" Clarissa yelled, making Remus go scarlet. Eyes narrowed, she jumped up from her seat and grabbed the werewolf, pulling him out of his chair and out of Madam Puddifoot's.

"I'm extremely sorry, Clarissa. I was just distracted; it won't happen again." Remus said politely. Clarissa pouted for a few seconds and then smiled slyly.

"... Fine... I was wondering, Remus... can I try something?" The blonde asked, fluttering her lashes again. Remus cleared his throat.

"Um... yeah, sure... What is it?"

"This." Clarissa pushed him against the wall and pressed up against him. Remus' eyes widened and he suddenly felt sick. _What is she doing?!_

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled his head down slightly. Remus felt, as well as saw, her light blue eyes boring into his own. And then suddenly they morphed and faded until they were that familiar shade of grey; _Sirius'_ shade of grey. The confused werewolf blinked, he could have sworn they were... Then everything was changing, the person he was holding grew taller and less curvy. The fingers in his hair were longer and stronger. The lips pressing against his were rougher and chapped and _bloody hell_ – they were driving him fucking _insane._ His whole body was being consumed by the unbearable fire within him and Remus' heart was pounding in his chest. He moaned lightly and drew Sirius closer to him.

Remus froze suddenly when he heard someone gasp loudly. Opening his eyes, he swallowed back the lump that built in his throat as he realised that he had been kissing _Clarissa. _Not Sirius. His whole body seemed to deflate and his sporadic breathing slowed down. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he looked up to see a shocked Sirius Black gawping at him.

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When Nancy first kissed him in the Three Broomsticks, Sirius had almost flinched away in disgust. There was too much tongue, it was too wet and an almost abnormal amount of biting. The young Black was sure that by the end of this, his bottom lip would be horribly swollen and bruised.

But he had to do this. He _had _to. Because he was not in love with Remus and neither would he think of him during his little session with Nancy. He had to prove this to himself, Lily and James. So he kissed back hard, entangling his fingers in her hair and pulling her close.

_I like this, I like this, I like this, I like this, I _fucking love _this God damn it!_

And he kissed her and kissed her until he almost did throw up. It was too unfamiliar and different; which was shocking in itself as Sirius used to be able to kiss _anyone _and like it. There was no emotion in the kiss. It was soft, gentle and tender, yes... but there was no _power _or energy in it. It wasn't exciting or... _Remus_...

It wasn't Remus.

The werewolf wasn't with him at that moment, but suddenly he felt him _everywhere. _They had sat in that booth right in the corner on his birthday; they had sneaked here in the dead of the night together; they had done everything **together**.

Pulling away, Sirius turned his head to the side, rejecting the further attempts Nancy made to kiss him again. He dropped the arms that had been wrapped around her and backed away. "I'm... I'm not feeling so good. So, er, I'm going to go back up to the castle."

Nancy looked up at him in concern, her blue-green eyes wide. "What's wrong? Are you feeling alright? Do you want me to come with you?"

"NO!" Sirius almost yelled, making her jump. "No. No, I'm fine. Don't worry." And with that, the young Black turned and ran out of the Three Broomsticks.

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"I wonder if they've kissed yet..." Lily smiled up at James, grasping his hand and interlocking their fingers.

"I don't know... I mean, they're both _supposed _to be clever... but from what I've seen for a while now... Well, my friends are idiots." James just shook his head, grinning back at his girlfriend.

"Yeah. I know. Just like you."

"_Hey_! I'm not an idiot." The stag Animagus pouted, his chocolate eyes shining in mirth.

"Nah. You're right." Lily replied. James' eyes widened; did Lily Evans just admit she was wrong? It was almost as if the world had just gone topsy-turvy.

"_I'm _the idiot. For going out with you." The redhead's eyes were twinkling and even after James had been (horribly,_ horribly_) insulted, his heart melted at the beatific smile on his beloved's face.

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Sirius' heart was thumping to the rhythm of feet hitting the ground as he ran to Madam Puddifoot's. Fuck, who cared. Yes, maybe he was gay. Yes, maybe he was in love with Remus Lupin, if this- _this **maelstrom** of emotion that was stirring within him_- was what love was. And yes, he didn't care what Lily Evans and James Potter were going to say; he didn't care how smug they would be. That stupid couple be damned, he was _going_ to get his Remus.

As he neared the dreaded place of pink menus and confetti, Sirius slowed down suddenly, panicking as to what he would say. Merlin, what if Remus wasn't even gay? What if he had been telling Lily and James the truth? What if he was kissing-?

There they were.

Sirius' jaw dropped and his eyes widening. His breath seemed to hitch. _No..._

One of Remus' arms was wrapped around Clarissa, pulling her flush against his chest. The other hand was entangled in her hair and he was kissing her. Kissing her though his fucking life depended on it. An ache seemed to uncoil in his chest as he realised that Remus had only ever been this passionate with Sirius- _no one else. _And when Remus moaned ever so softly, Sirius gasped- the werewolf was really _enjoying _this...

He watched as Remus pulled away and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. Sirius caught the flash of disappointment in his beautiful amber eyes and how his whole body deflated as he looked down at the girl in arms.

And then suddenly, Remus looked up and their eyes connected. A surge of energy flowed between them and no matter how hard Sirius tried; he couldn't pull his eyes away.

"Where's Nancy?" came a soft voice. Both Sirius' and Remus' heads snapped towards Clarissa. She stood there, her hands on her hips with an eyebrow raised.

When Sirius stared at her blankly, Clarissa elaborated, frowning. "You know, _Nancy_, your date?"

"Oh. I don't know..." he muttered, eyes landing on Remus again. Swallowing, he took a step forward.

"Argh. I don't know what's wrong with you boys. I have had the worst date ever today and you don't even care! I'm going to find Nancy." Clarissa stalked off, fuming.

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They were almost nose to nose, now. Remus shut his eyes, trying to ignore the questioning grey eyes of the dog Animagus.

Sirius brought up a hand to cup his cheek, one word escaping his lips. "Why?"

Shaking ever so slightly, he whispered, "I pretended it was you."

Something rose up in him; something so strong and overwhelming and _powerful_. The hope that pounded around his body shone in his eyes and took Remus' breath away.

"I tried _not_ to pretend it was you." Sirius whispered back. A smile formed on his face when Remus cocked his head to the side, sadness and confusion evident on his face.

"Why?" The werewolf asked, reaching up to cover the hand on his cheek. Sirius smile grew larger at the repetitiveness of their conversation.

"Because it _wasn't _you."

They had kissed many, many times before now, but never had it been so awkward. Sirius moved even closer to the werewolf, his breath skidding over Remus' lips. And as their breath mingled together and Sirius realised that he was breathing in _Remus_, his brain seemed to melt into a pile of goo. His arms were limp at his sides and suddenly he had no clue as to what to do. Where did his arms go now? What should he do with his hands?

Remus shook his head, smiling lightly, realising that Sirius was having a slight problem with moving. So, he lifted up Sirius' arms and wrapped them around his waist.

He chuckled at the dog Animagus' blush, who then pushed Remus against the wall, pressing himself against him. He lowered his lips and softly, slowly, he touched the werewolf's lips with his own. It was the gentlest kiss they have ever shared and it was scarily new to them. Teeth clicked and tongues slid against each other- again, almost _cautiously_.

And as the two canines stood there, entwined with each other, they felt that maybe there _was_ something special about this tender-love-stuff...

**Please review :)  
Can I get at least 10-12 reviews for this?**


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